Church

It is Sunday. To most people it is considered the day you go to church. I haven't been to church in a very long time. I feel guilty for that. I am not sure why though. Church was something I was required to do when I was growing up, every Sunday. Maybe I feel like I am failing because I didn't keep up that tradition. I don't even make my kids go every single Sunday. I hope they don't suffer later in life because I didn't make it a priority for them. I have been trying to get into it more though. Well, mostly, I am trying to get the kids into more. I let them go to youth group and sometimes I drive them to Sunday school too. I really think I should do more for them. I wonder if I am setting a really bad example. I want God to be a priority for them when they are grown. I want them to take their kids to church and well, keep going themselves.

I fear I have set to many bad examples for them though. I fear them stepping away from all that like I did. Why should they keep it up if they never see me keeping it up. I fear them stepping away would be my fault some how and I feel guilty. I feel I failed them and am failing them.I will continue to pray for them. Even during all this that is one thing I never stopped doing. Even if I can't pray for myself I can and did always pray for them.

I plan on going today ...

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Edit later in the day:

I did go to church today. I went to a place that was small. My friend was preaching. There was about a dozen people there. It was scary at first, but I think I will go again next week. I have fears but I am tired of trying to do things alone. I want my friend back and I want new friends. I want people to talk to instead of just sitting here writing to a screen all the time.

Soon I will write more about some of the reasons I stopped going to church. For now I will stop with this .. I went back .. once .. and I hope to keep going back. I will pray for strength to continue overcoming my fears.